As a witness I now realise how little control we really had over our life. Therefore naturally upon leaving everything became less certain. This is because really leaving only happened when I let go of that past. Being able to live in the present moment with a healthy attitude and speak ones own thoughts is something to treasure.
Do I have anxiety about the future?
Yes of course, but the difference is I am doing the things I want today & tomorrow and this includes spending days at home with my family, which I certainly consider better than attending meetings, door knocking ect. As for the long time future, aging, illness, death, that's just part of life, so rather than fear it and panic, I simply choose to live in the present. Not knowing the future, is not something to fear, it's just a reminder to enjoy today.
As for Christmas, I think it funny last year I was celebrating it for my son, but this year I am also celebrating it because it connects me with my new friends, my neighbourhood and I don't want to stand out against it all and be different. Some things never change and I guess I have just found a more tolerant community to conform with.
So my advice when you decide to leave, find another community to integrate yourself in to, as the bible said " it's not good for man to live alone" and this is true, but as I am an athiest perhaps I should quote the poet John Donne " No man is an island"
what are my new communities, my football club, my pub friends, my wider circle of friends from leaving.